So remember how JUST YESTERDAY my car slid off the highway and popped a tire? And how I put the spare on so I could make it through the day enough to get to a mechanic on Monday? I mean, that's the point of a spare tire, right? To serve as an adequate replacement in a time of need? So what you're saying is that I did the right thing? Well guess again.
Today, Monday, I moved my car all of 5ft, and the spare tire came off it's rim. Five. Feet. What kind of cruel joke is this?
I called up my insurance company who instantly dropped me into a phone maze where I had to enter a bunch of numbers incorrectly until I got to actually speak with a person. Once there, that person decided they needed to transfer me to Roadside Assistance, aka. the OTHER phone maze. Once there, I have to re-enter the first 8 digits of my policy number, only to get directed to the post-Roadside-Assistance-Customer-Satisfaction-Survey. I hang up, and start over. About 20 minutes later, I have actually described my situation to an actual person. They can't tell me when a tow truck will come around, but inform me that another phone bot/maze will call me up to let me know that information. The phone bot says it'll be another 30 minutes.
Bullshit. The tow truck was there in 5 minutes! Now get this: the lazy bastard didn't even get out of his wrecker. He just motioned for me to get in, and he backed up to my car. Inside the wrecker he has this little TV connected to a rear-looking camera, and all of the controls for the lift are next to the monitor. He just runs the rig like a friggin' video game; manhandling my car like one of those robotic-claw garbage trucks that picks up trash cans.
A knock at the window. It's one of the security guards from my workplace. Apparently they don't let cars get towed off the lot without a written release. So I start filling out the paperwork, and the wrecker driver gets out of the truck for a while. The paperwork is finished, the security guard gives us the all-clear, the car is hooked up, and we're ready to go. So where is the driver? Why he's outside, wandering around aimlessly. I lean over and give the horn a honk. He turns around, and points at the cigarette he's only just started smoking, and holds up a finger... suggesting that I wait until he's finished. Oh, that's AWESOME. Great service.
Eventually, my car and I get dropped off at the tire shop. There I spend the rest of my evening, emptying my wallet... and my sanity. I make it home with 4 working wheels and a list of other critical repairs that need to happen ASAP. Superior news! I get to spend more money!
If it hasn't become clear to you what happens next, you need to go back and read the rest of my stories. Particularly the endings. When fate has gotten the best of me and I'm ready to snap from taking it up the tailpipe one too many times, I take the edge off with a cold one. Or five. Tonight was no exception. Can you blame me?
Hell, my life could be a friggin' beer advertisement. I would proudly endorse a beer if it meant I could get more out of life than just the few moments of solace from my tribulations by partaking in the drink to maintain my pleasant demeanor. But for now, this single stout from my fridge will have to do.
Dear God in Heaven... I hope somebody is getting a kick out of this.
3 comments
Donuts is USELESS
Donuts is USELESS
Unless you have a large cup-o-joe to dip it in before eating.
Leftovers
Now aren't you glad I decided to leave the beer behind :D
Not that this will make you feel any better
Of my own, non-fate-based accord, i managed to leave my lights on (ok, i'm not used to having a car again) outside the dear bf's place for...a few hours. Suffice it to say, my dearest Civic called Zuul, who held together by punk rock bumper stickers, would not start.
Panic ensued. Who did i know that wasn't half a city away or didn't drive a Prius? Luckily i recalled that one of my college mates, F., who should be and was studying for his exams at the time, was just up the street and he drove out to give me a jump. In the blistering wind and the fairly substantial rain.
I suspect i've just engaged in a friend-favour contract worthy of the Godfather. He's the nice and cheerful type and will only extract one beer (or kidney) out of me for this.
Amusing moment: He asks "do you have jumper cables?" I respond, "of course, the car came with them among other things." He replies "ermm...do you know how to use them...because i've no clue." Luckily, i do manage the "positive to positive and negative to ground" (i know, you don't *have* to ground, but i'm old school and i was taught on cars that just might have had an issue with your dual interfacing {naughty!}) and Zuul ends up starting after a few minutes with no harm done other than two soaked medievalists vaguely worried about the intelligence of hooking up two batteries in the rain.
We came off lucky. I suspect he was no fan of the rain and would revel, during his exams, to hear a more epic tale of woe.